Reflection
by WickedForGood13
Summary: Kurt feels worthless when Blaine continues to ignore him. Then Blaine pays him a little visit and Kurt's feelings change...Rated T for one swearword.


Kurt sat in his room, staring at the wall.

Blaine was ignoring him and he didn't know why.

Kurt thought that he and Blaine were close. After all, Blaine _had_ driven all the way to McKinley just to talk to Karofsky about "the kiss."

Yet, since transferring Dalton, Blaine had become more distant. He would acknowledge Kurt in the hallways, but he wasn't going out of his way to spend time with Kurt. Not that Kurt expected Blaine to hang around 24/7…

Kurt was confused. Sure, he'd been trying too hard with the Warblers, but that was all he'd ever known. Fighting to be noticed was the way things worked at McKinley, though the opposite, blending in, was also a part of life at McKinley.

Was trying too hard any reason for Blaine to suddenly avoid being with him?

Kurt would have his moments of light-hearted fooling around with the friends he'd made at Dalton. But those moments were few and far between and would be over too soon. In any case, they weren't the same because those moments weren't with Blaine.

Kurt could hear the other boys in his dorm hall as the walls were incredibly thin. Despite being surrounded by noise, Kurt felt more alone than ever. He wasn't a part of anything, he didn't feel a connection with anyone—except Blaine.

It was Friday night. Kurt had been at Dalton for several months now. Burt had regretfully informed him that it wasn't possible for him to come home this weekend.

_Great_, Kurt had thought. _Way to add to my feelings of worthlessness._ For that was how Blaine's attitude had made Kurt feel—worthless.

Rather than voice his thoughts to his dad, Kurt had put all the cheer into his voice that he could and said that it was fine and he hoped he and Carole had a wonderful weekend.

He must have fooled his dad, for Burt wished him the same and said "I love you," before hanging up.

Having nothing better to do, Kurt changed into some comfy pajamas and curled up in a ball under a mound of blankets.

Yes, Kurt was wallowing in self-pity, but at that moment he didn't care. Why shouldn't he care about himself since no one else seemed to?

Despite being only 7:30pm, Kurt soon fell fast asleep, after plugging into his iPod and putting the song "Reflection" from "Mulan" on repeat.

Kurt woke up the next morning at 7:30am. Having slept a solid 12 hours, he felt refreshed, yet Kurt resisted getting up.

_What's the point?_ he thought to himself. _No one cares or would even notice whether I was there or not._

So, Kurt remained in bed and curled in on himself in an effort to contain the pain of loneliness that threatened to overwhelm him.

Having nothing to do, and not wanting to get up, Kurt stared at his blank walls, a symbol of how culturally deprived he was at Dalton.

Kurt pretended that the white wall was a movie screen and began to picture him and Blaine as the principle actors.

Scenes of him and Blaine kissing and holding hands and dancing and singing and hugging and doing everything together began to play across Kurt's mind.

Kurt began to cry, quiet sobs that could be contained and wouldn't be heard through the paper thin walls, though he doubted if his neighbors would notice or even care.

He cried himself back to sleep, waking once more around 10am. It was shortly after that he heard a knock on his door and Blaine's sure and steady voice asking if he wanted to go to breakfast with him and Wes and David.

Kurt kept silent, wondering why Blaine would make an effort to include someone that obviously repulsed him.

Kurt's silence did not convince Blaine to give up and leave. Rather, Blaine merely opened the door, since Kurt never bothered to lock it.

Kurt quickly closed his eyes, hoping to fool Blaine into believing that he was asleep. He tried to steady his breathing which always became erratic whenever Blaine was nearby.

Blaine, however, was no one's fool. He knelt down by Kurt's head and gently shook his shoulder. As he did so, he noticed the tear tracks running down Kurt's face and wondered what had happened to make Kurt cry.

Kurt, deciding that Blaine couldn't be ignored, opened his eyes to find Blaine staring at him intently.

"What?" Kurt asked, trying to sound annoyed. "I was sleeping."

"Sure you were," said Blaine, voice tainted with sarcasm. "I missed you at dinner last night," his voice kinder.

"Sure you did," Kurt mimicked Blaine from moments prior.

"Did you go?" asked Blaine, still on his knees by Kurt's head.

"No," Kurt said, honestly. "I wasn't hungry. Plus, I figured I'd save everyone the trouble of having to look at me."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" asked Blaine, traces of shock and anger starting to show.

"Look, you don't have to pretend. I can see how convenient it would be to have a gay friend going to another high school an hour away. You'd only have to see him every once in a while. But then when that friend has the audacity to transfer to your school, I can see how you'd get bored and start to ignore him."

"What the hell are you talking about, Kurt?" asked Blaine, although he had a sneaking suspicion that Kurt was referring to the two of them.

"I'm talking about _us_, Blaine. Or, what used to be of us. That's changed since I transferred, though, hasn't it? Before, you wouldn't think twice about driving an hour to see me or to help me talk to Karofsky. Yet now that I'm here you can barely be troubled about spending time with me. I've been here three _fucking_ months and we've hardly spent any time together. You're always _busy_ or you'll see me _later_. Am I not good enough for you anymore? Was I so worthless that you had to look for a new prodigy, someone else to take under your wing and mentor? Was I an experiment that went wrong, once I fell in love—"

Here, realizing the mistake he had made, Kurt stopped his mad ramblings.

Blaine had been about to put his hand over Kurt's mouth, in order for him to shut up and let Blaine explain, when Kurt's mouth, or rather what had come out of it, caused him to stop.

"Kurt," he began instead. "Why were you crying?"

At the change of topic, Kurt stared at him as though he were mental. "Why do you think?" he said, clearly not expecting a reply.

"It was me, wasn't it?" asked Blaine, sorrow evident in his eyes.

Kurt nodded wordlessly.

"Okay, Kurt. I'm going to explain my actions of the past few months and I want you to listen. Alright?"

Again, Kurt nodded.

"Okay. Here goes. I've been distancing myself from you because I didn't want to freak you out with the intensity of my emotions. I like you, Kurt. I really, really like you. As in, I love you. And I was scared of pushing you away. After the whole Karofsky thing, I wanted your next romance to be your choice. I didn't want to force you into anything. And so, by spending less time with you, I thought you would be able to work out your feelings for yourself without me there to complicate matters. Also, there would be less chance of me losing control and kissing you senseless, which is all that's been on my mind for a while now. So, there you have it—my reasoning for the past couple of months which, now that I say out loud, I realize makes me a horrible person. You probably don't want anything to do with me now but, of course, that's up to you."

Finished with his speech, Blaine sat back on his heels and watched Kurt take in everything he'd said.

Kurt was numb. Blaine had just confessed that he loved him and that's why he'd been ignoring him. As crazy as it sounded, Kurt loved Blaine all the more for it because Blaine was only looking out for Kurt and allowing him to adjust on his own.

As Kurt continued to stare blindly in front of him, Blaine couldn't help himself. "And the verdict is…?" he asked, unable to bear the suspense any longer.

"I love you too, Blaine," came Kurt's quiet response.

Blaine couldn't resist—he launched himself at Kurt, landing on top of him, and crushed him in a hug that could possibly crack ribs.

Through the joy of having Kurt in his arms, Blaine could feel Kurt returning the hug with as much power as was possible in his thin body.

Blaine also began to pepper kisses across Kurt's face, without touching Kurt's lips, and this was how he discovered that Kurt had started to cry again.

"Beautiful, what's wrong?" he asked, pulling away slightly so he could see Kurt's face, which was scrunched up as though he were in pain and had tears leaking out of his eyes.

"I…I…," Kurt tried to form a coherent sentence.

"Shh…," said Blaine soothingly, moving to sit on Kurt's bed and positioned the younger boy so he was mostly resting in Blaine's lap. "Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."

Kurt continued to sob as though his heart would break, when really it was overflowing with happiness. He loved and was loved in return. It was too good to be true.

When Kurt's sobs had quieted, mostly because he realized that Blaine was crying along with him (and angels or gods or whatever the heck Blaine was, should not cry), he tried to sit up, only to have Blaine force him back down.

"Nope, not going anywhere," he proclaimed. "You're safe with me and that's where you're staying."

Kurt wasn't about to complain. He'd only dreamed of being in Blaine's arms since the day they met.

"Now," Blaine began. "Why were you crying this time? And don't think you're going to get out of telling me why you were crying before, either."

Kurt gulped. He really didn't want to be having this conversation, as it would probably only make Blaine feel bad about himself and the way he'd acted, yet Blaine looked as though he wouldn't take "No" for an answer.

"Well…," Kurt began, nervously. "I was crying because…I love you and I never thought I'd hear those words said back to me, least of all by you."

Blaine made strangled growl from the back of his throat, as if he were going to protest. Kurt held up his hand to silence him.

"I've lived without love for so long that I'd come to doubt everyone and everything, most of all myself."

Blaine nuzzled his head in the space between Kurt's neck and shoulders, in an attempt to show him that he wasn't alone.

Kurt began to talk about his most recent feelings. "Last night, I didn't go to dinner. Instead, I sat in my room and thought. You'd been avoiding me and I felt alone. I felt stifled when I first came here, and though I've adjusted, you're abandonment still hurt. It made me feel about as worthless as a slushie facial or a dumpster dive or being shoved into the lockers at McKinley."

Blaine tensed upon hearing that he'd made Kurt feel worthless and that he'd acted no better than the jocks at McKinley.

"I went to bed and when I woke up this morning, I didn't see the point in getting up. I didn't see the point in living anymore if my best friend had left me on my own. I stared at the blank white wall and thought about how it symbolized how bleak my life was without you in it. It became a movie screen and scenes of us together began to play. And when I say "together," I mean as in "together, together." We were happy and we were in love. And when I realized that there could never be a "we," I lost all hope. My courage left me."

By this time, the two boys were in tears again. Kurt, from reliving the pain of the past few months. Blaine, from realizing the extent of the pain he'd caused Kurt by ignoring him.

"Kurt, I promise you—I will spend the rest of our lives making this up to you. I never meant to leave you on your own for so long. I merely wanted you to see that you could survive without me and that I didn't have to be a crutch for you to lean on. I see now that I was wrong. I promise to never leave you again. Kurt, will you be by boyfriend?"

Kurt gasped at the last statement. "Yes. Oh god, yes. I would love to be your boyfriend. And as for "making this up to me," as you put it, you've already done so by officially making me yours, as I was yours from 'Teenage Dream.' "

They met for another hug, Kurt burying his head in Blaine's chest and breathing in his scent, while Blaine repositioned his head in between Kurt's neck and shoulders.

Kurt pulled back. "Blaine," he whispered. "Kiss me."

Blaine stared at him hard, making sure that he meant what he said, before leaning in and placing his lips over Kurt's for a sweet, chaste kiss.

Pulling back, Blaine observed that Kurt had his eyes closed. "How was that?" Blaine asked, suddenly nervous as to his kissing abilities.

"It was perfect," said Kurt, a note of reverence in his tone. "It was the best first kiss I could have asked for."

"So, you're going to view this as your first kiss?" asked Blaine.

"Yes," Kurt replied simply. "Because in this instance, I was kissing back. Not only that, but I wanted to be kissed. I asked—no, I demanded to be kissed. So, I'd say that this kiss is as good as any to count as my first."

Blaine smiled at him. "I'm glad I could be your first."

"I want you to be all of my firsts, Blaine," Kurt replied honestly.

Blaine gaped at him, before breaking into a heart-shattering smile. "I want to be all of your firsts too, Kurt. And I want you to be my first as well."

Kurt stared at him. "You mean, you're still a—"

"Yes, Kurt," said Blaine, smiling patiently at him. "Just because I'm older doesn't mean I'm any less virtuous than you."

Kurt smiled shyly at this.

To distract himself from Kurt's mesmerizing eyes, Blaine turned his attention to Kurt's discarded iPod.

"What were you listening to?" asked Blaine in a conversational tone, curious as to what his boyfriend liked to listen to.

"Oh, nothing, really," said Kurt, suddenly nervous. If Blaine saw what he'd been listening to, he'd go right back to beating himself up over what he'd put Kurt through.

"You're acting much too suspicious," said Blaine, calling Kurt out on his actions. "Now I absolutely must know."

Kurt conceded defeat and handed Blaine the iPod. He saw Blaine's face fall and his jaw clench when he turned on the iPod and saw that "Reflection" had been playing on repeat.

"When were you listening to this?" Blaine managed to choke out, and Kurt swore that his hands were shaking.

"Last night," Kurt whispered, not daring to meet Blaine's eyes.

Blaine hid his face in his hands, ashamed to look at Kurt. Blaine was sure that Kurt was going to take back his decision to be Blaine's boyfriend. However, he was surprised when he felt Kurt's hands pull his own away from his face.

Kurt took Blaine's chin in his hand and forced Blaine to look at him.

"I. Love. You," he said very slowly, as though speaking to a small child. "And whatever pain I've gone through to get to this point is in the past. We're together now. That's all that matters."

Then Kurt, still holding Blaine's chin in his hands, leaned in and softly kissed Blaine on the lips.

"I love you too, Kurt," said Blaine, when they were forced to pull apart for air. "And I'm still sorry for hurting you. I swear on my life I will never hurt you again, nor will I let anyone else come close enough to cause you pain."

This last part was said with a growl and Kurt could tell that Blaine was thinking of Karofsky. He smiled to himself at Blaine's protectiveness. It was quite a turn-on.

To calm his boyfriend down, Kurt joined their lips together again for a passionate kiss.

It was a perfect ending. At the same time, it was a perfect beginning.


End file.
